Some days I just feel so weighted down w/ all that we are dealing with. I am not in a deep depression, but I do feel an overwhelming urge to whine "Why?" But I won't. For now. ;) I'll keep traveling forward. Sometimes that is all you can do.
For the first time in my life EVER, I have found a diet that I can stick to!! It hasn't been easy, but I have been pretty successful. It's called "Cracking the Fat-Loss Code" by Wendy Chant.
Fat loss is acheived by varying the diet so the body does not have a chance to adapt to the diet changes, causing a plateau.
AND, here's the best part, you don't give up any foods! Not that you are able to pig out on junk everyday, but you do get to have days where your favorite foods can be included. It is part of the cycle that helps the body think it is getting plenty of food.
That is a mistake I have made in the past with diets. But it is unrealistic to try and give up birthday cake, pizza, etc. for the rest of my life.
I can do this! I don't feel hungry, but I still want to pig out at night. But I don't give up because I know one of my free days is just around the corner.
And in other news...
in a constant uphill battle to have some sort of enjoyable-ness(for student and teacher) when it comes to school and differently-abled learners, we took the day off the other day to watch the inauguration. JD and I had a knock down, drag out stand off, when I foolishly tried to coach him into answering "Bush" when I asked the name of our last President. I knew he knew it, but was just blanking out. At some point he hollered out, "Why couldn't you just move on when I didn't know the answer?!!"
To which I answered that I should have.And that he should have pointed this out to me, minus the freak out. :)
Talking like this is totally improving our interactions. He honestly misses the cues that others are being upset by his behavior, he is so caught up in managing his own feelings.
And I am so not a saintly mothering type, and sometimes I just get so weary of managing emotions and behaviors that I argue back instead of taking charge the way a leader should. So after addressing the issues I had w/ his behavior, I explained that I didn't choose the best way either and would do it differently next time too.
Still on the hunt for some school time that isn't completely painful to one or more parties involved, I took out my Five in a Row(fiar) stuff and found 1 lonely fiar book on my shelf. It is hard finding a good match for my 4 kids and their needs PLUS the neighbor whose needs are completely the opposite!
Fiar is aimed at ages 4-8,which would probably be a comfortable comprehension level for the neighbor and my 8 year old JJ. The neighbor is totally inexperienced in making connections so this would be good for him. My kids have done fiar before and are old pros at noticing details, predicting, etc. Would it be too easy for them at ages 10 and 11? Or would they enjoy it and still be able to take something away from it?
I decided that it wouldn't hurt to try out a few lessons. At first glance, I think the concepts are still valuable for older children, but at this age can be explored in more depth. It would be very easy to "beef up" the lessons, esp using something like enchanted learning to do extra activities w/ the concepts covered in the lessons.
The other night, I consolidated some scrapbooks so each child can have a scrap book to put their projects in.
Yesterday, I read Mirette on the High Wire to everyone. I pointed out France on the map, sang the Geography song, printed a map for them to color, and we talked about the artwork in the book, which was done w/ watercolors. We looked at the last illustration in the book and discussed the color choices of the illustrator.I talked about the color wheel and then they created their own paintings.
I was very satisfied; the neighbor did not seem overstressed and tuned out and my kids remembered the Eifel tower and Madeline, and recalled learning about the color wheel previously.I hope the neighbor will one day make such observations!
Connecting two ideas together, associating one thing w/ another...I am convinced that is what learning is, realizing that "OOOOh, this is just like ____________!!"
Now, before I start w/ all the gory details, please remember that the story has a happy ending! :) Everyone is fine, health problems get resolved, it's all good! Or if not good, then getting better, ok? ;)
I started out buying w/ workbooks and such from WalMart and the education store. Pretty schoolish. Esp. for my little preschooler. I had energy to burn back then and I wanted to "school" someone!
So in the midst of having my little guy do preschool workbooks, I discovered the Weaver curriculum. I bought the preschool/K program called the Interlock. By this time, I now had a preschooler and a toddler. Before we finished the program, I would also have a newborn.
I didn't know it at the time, but it was a unit study.I really liked it. It was lowkey, not schoolish at all.Seemed overly simple, but very effective. When I have to remember what God made on each day of creation, I still think back to the project we did: items glued to large numbers, representing what God made that day. I still remember the moon phases and cloud formations. And so does my son, all these years later.
I went on to the elementary level, Volume 1, which required alot of planning and studying on my part. At this point, I had a 4 children ages 5 and under.Not the time for a big time unit study. (Just a side note, I still don't want to study and plan!)
So we veered over to Five in a Row.Also very low key, but very effective.I didn't even do it consistently, but my kids were learning alot.
Then I decided I didn't like going to the library and getting the books so I bought Sonlight for the first time because you could get all the books you needed in one package. Level K w/ advanced readers. I dropped it pretty fast. It was just too much for the time.
My first grader wasn't reading well. I felt like a failure and he sensed that he was the cause. It was heartbreaking to me that I was messing this all up. Meanwhile, my newborn baby had colic. For months I stayed awake all night and slept all day. My mom was living w/ us at the time and watched the kids during the day.We eventually switched to formula and I started sleeping more at night!
But that didn't clear up everything.Actually, it was during my last pregancy that I began to feel bad. I didn't know it, but I had depression. I asked for help during the pregnancy, but was told they couldn't do anything for me unless I couldn't get out of bed. I wish they'd recommended counseling or something because I took this to mean that there was nothing wrong w/ me.
Even after, the baby's birth, I believe I had post-partum depression or maybe even "regular" depression. One day during that summer, I couldn't bring myself to get the kids ready to go outside to play so they stayed indoors all day that day. I dont' remember now what the exact hold up was, but it scared me that I could not do what needed to be done for the kids.
This was also at the same time of the Andrea Yates thing. It scared me that she was a homeschooling mom, that she had a bunch of young kids, that she had post partum depression. My friend that is a nurse explained to me that having depression makes you feel low, about YOU, it doesn't make you want to hurt others, that is something else. I definitely was only feeling blah, low, about myself.
So, I didn't need to panic or fear, but we decided I needed some help. Of course, I was seeing a dr. and we enrolled the 2 oldest in school for the fall.I wonder too, if I already had sleep apnea at that time, because no matter now much I slept, I never felt rested.
BTW, my kids did really well in school. We got compliments from the teachers. My son caught up in reading and they commented that he was such a bright, eager learner, even though he was behind. Whatever I had done at home was right on they told me. Funny, huh?
Anyway, the school year went pretty well and we enrolled them for the next year.That year was ok, but we began to investigate our options. We looked into a charter school, but it was going to be so much work, we decided to homeschool again.
I breathed a sigh of relief and bought some workbooks from WalMart. We picked up w/ Five in a Row again. I homeschooled fairly uneventfully for about the next 2 years. I never really found my niche, I never really got completely consistent, I never fully got in the groove but we were doing it.
Then at a well check, I finally brought up my suspicions about my 2nd son to my pediatrician. I'd asked about him before to other drs, but always been told he was fine. She suspected right away that he had Sensory Processing Disorder and dyslexia. I just knew she was wrong about the dyslexia. My older son was suspected of having too in 2nd grade and he didn't have it.
Well he did have dyslexia. And sensory processing disorder.And muscle and coordination delays. At that point, I mentally checked out of homeschooling. I never signed up for this, I could barely do it w/ "regular" learners, how could I even think, even dare imagine that I had the patience and whatever else it took to homeschool a special needs learner?
As far as I was concerned, I would continue to homeschool the oldest, but the younger 3 were going to school. Who knew what undiagnosed needs they had that I didn't know about? Let them go to school and get the services they need. I am not good at this, let the professionals do their job, a better job.
Bless my heart, I tried to homeschool and it just didn't work out, I had no other choice but to send them to school. I had done my best and now I could rest.
Because I was done.
To be continued......
A pity party. My pity party!
OH my. It is quite a day here. As you may know, I dabble in finding remedies for my ds, JD's sensory processing disorder. One of the rumors is that cutting out dairy will help. In my mind it does help him, the pediatrician thinks it is coincidence as there is no scientific evidence to back up the theory of milk causing these kinds of problems.
Once we ran out of milk and didn't replace it right away(about 3 days). JD's behavior was so much better, he seemed like a different person! Even he noticed the difference and was fully on board.
However, in the long term~ We are only able to half heartedly keep the dairy out. It is a real struggle for us! The two girls get runny noses and dark circles under the eyes. My oldest shows no signs of sensitivity at all. I dont' need to clear my throat as much when I leave out dairy.JD does this annoying throat clearing noise when he needs to clear his throat, so I would love it if he could be cured of THAT.
I let him have some frozen yogurt from McD's the other day. All the other kids were getting it, then he had a fudgesicle the next day. My own pediatrician thinks I am wrong!!! I let him have them, maybe I do blame food for his behavior too much...
Today he has no empathy or patience for anyone but himself. Coincidence? I dont' know!
I sure don't care.
I can tell you that we won't be having dairy any time soon. Just in case.
Cajunchic's comment got me thinkin' about SPD.This is the face of Sensory Processing Disorder. The night JD was born my mom and I put clothes on him and he screamed so much that we didn't even change him into a "going home" outfit when he left the hospital.Notice how his mouth is slightly turned down. It was that way alot.
My son is 10 months old in this picture. We are at a backyard party, around people, so he is frowning.When he was a week old we went to visit my mom, he cried and was uncomfortable the whole time. How did he even know he was away from home, I wondered? His little hand is blurred because he is signing. He only learned one sign(the sign for "all done"), and he used it for everything. Here he probably wants me to pick him up and get him away from the photographer. As a young baby, he would even cry when my husband held him. One evening, my husband said he would hold him even if he cried to give me a break. JD cried and his eyes followed me as I walked around the house.
One time while having pictures made at Sears when JD was about 6 months old, I really thought something was seriously wrong w/ him. He was so captivated by the balls they placed in front of him as props, he WOULD NOT look up. We called, shouted, shook a can of pennies, he wasn't looking up from those balls. I told my pediatrician I thought he was autistic. He stifled a laugh and suggested we test his hearing.
Everyone thought I was crazy for "wishing" something on my son. I didn't want to label him, I wanted to find out what was wrong. I felt deep down that there was something not right. I did ask another pediatrician when JD was 3 why he was always "rubbing" people. The backs of my arms, my mom's legs.He would press his face into my skin. She said he was just a touchy person and to teach him the time and place to show affection.
Sometimes he seemed perfectly fine. Especially to people outside the family, even to extended family.But at home, it could be terrible. He hated transitions. He had crying outbursts when things didn't go his way.As he grew older, I became fearful about asking our current pediatrician because I didn't want her to tell me not to homeschool, so I kept silent.
JD ended up going to public preschool and 1/2 a year of Kindergarten. Neither teacher mentioned any problems. He loved the routine of it all and was on his best behavior most of the time at school.
Finally when JD was in second grade I spoke to the pediatrician. I immediately wished I'd done it sooner! She began asking me questions. When I told her he liked to rub, but not be rubbed, she seemed to know instantly that he had Sensory Processing Disorder(spd).She suggested he best tested. She also suspected that he had dyslexia. After having him tested I would find that to be another bullseye!
Wow.JD couldn't process correctly the information he received from his senses. Now I understood why.Why about alot of things.Why he was always hot, even as a newborn. Why his cheeks were always red. When he was in preschool, he told me he didn't like to wear pants as they "made his legs feel like they were on fire". Why he demanded his food be HOT and complained if it wasn't. Even now, he favors snack foods over real food. I didn't understand this until I took medicine that dulled my appetite. I didn't want dinner, but could be tempted by salty or sweet tastes as they aren't as bland tasting.
He is now 10 years old and has come along way. So have I. When I read The Out of Sync Child, I realized I had done alot of things right. Encouraging him when he seemed fearful instead of just letting him retreat. Doing alot of fun activities(like crafts and projects). Playing outside.
I will say here again that cutting out milk was huge. He does get some cheese now and then, but milk, ice cream, pudding, etc really do a number on him and he is a GROUCH for days when he has them.
He is still pretty serious, and a peculiar individual, but he does smile alot more and doesn't mind being around people. Many of the "SPD behaviors" he had when he was younger are gone.He still has the challenges of ADD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, some muscle and coordination delays and learning disabilities. Sometimes it breaks my heart that he has to work so hard to learn how to read or participate in karate or override so many feelings just to be able to act right and get along w/ others.
This post isn't the whole picture by any means, or the end of the story...
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